Sacrifices

After a long and spirited conversation (I am ever so grateful she tolerates my interruptions and tendency to just talk over people when I get excited) with my bff I was sharply reminded about how few sacrifices I truly make these days. Sure I gave up the tv but I have a laptop so there’s always hulu; I gave away/sold/abandoned several of my things in our venture down; I spend less on booze and eating out than I used to (which isn’t to say that it's less than what most folks spend) – but what, really, am I sacrificing? Truth be told, the only sacrifices I’ve made are the ones that include detriments to my health, weight, and appearance.

Actually, I did give up one thing: smoking. I have successfully quit for several months now. I prefer not to count the days or remember the anniversary – kind of like the anniversary between me and my sweets - honestly; it’s one less thing to keep track of one less thing to be mad @ him for.

It does, however, beg the question: does a sacrifice have to be painful? Because I am a goofy dumb-ass I had to look it up.

sac•ri•fice (s k r -f s )

1. a. The act of offering something to a deity in propitiation or homage,
especially the ritual slaughter of an animal or a person.
b. A victim offered in this way.
2. a. Forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a
greater value or claim.
b. Something so forfeited.
3. a. Relinquishment of something at less than its presumed value.
b. Something so relinquished.
c. A loss so sustained.

Yup, sounds pretty painful to me.

Back in the day-- my much younger days—there were several sacrifices but most were out of necessity. Or happened because I was flat broke: like having to choose between purchasing food or buying cigarettes (cigs almost always won by the way). That said, I still managed to scrape up enough cash to go to Europe, to buy the occasional new dress, to purchase boxes of red hair dye . . . Sure I ate and drank less; sure I was occasionally hungry, but what do I sacrifice today?

There are a few things that come to mind. Things I gave up to be here in New Orleans: my friends, new clothes/shoes, stuff in general, haircuts, my sanity (well, maybe I already lost that),the familiar . . . all in pursuit of something different, something new, for an adventure . . . but were those sacrifices enough?

It is hard for me to find a balance, to be focused these days and without knowing exactly what I want and what goals there are it seems, perhaps, less compelling to give up more for some undefined goal in the future. I do know – for a lot of reasons – I have to start making some sacrifices, something more significant for my betterment. Now I just have to figure out what those are.