My Northern Order

When I lived up north we were always hankering for some fried chicken. Now that we have it whenever the mood strikes us there are plenty of things we wish we had while down here. I've been thinking about this for awhile now.

Here is my northern order which includes all the things I can't get and am desperately missing (in no particular order):

• 1 case of Gazella – OK, 6 cases just to tide me over for a bit. In my opinion, the wine selection here kind of sucks with but a few (if any) vino verde offerings. Like many things, the shit they have is outdated.

• Dorthy Lynch – made in Nebraska this sweet western-style dressing is nowhere to be found.

• That f#@!n’ lavosh sandwich from Holly Land – the special ones that white people have to convince them that it is in fact the actual sandwich they want!

• Lu’s sour pork bahn mi. Make that a dozen to go.

• The Hmong market – especially the delightfully spicy papaya salad with purple sticky rice and their ribs. I really miss those. They’ve never heard of Hmong people down here let alone their distinctive cuisine. Hell, they think the Vietnamese here are Chinese and the Hondurans are Mexican.

• King and I’s #34 – Cashew Chicken in hot pepper sauce (and their calamari with extra dipping sauce!) I seriously have loved this dish for like a decade and I’m super fond of the coconut, tomato, shrimp soup too. Mmmmm, it is so delicious and perfect for cold weather. Not that we have any cold weather here thus far – HAHAHAHAHAH

• Lamb bacon BLT. That mo fo Sameh ought to f#@%! Over night us some – or the damn recipe at least! For that matter his peeps oughtta friggin inundate the market here with their hummus and stuff cuz the ready-made shit here is crap-olla! And there’s like only one Middle-Eastern grocery retailer and it’s half-ass at best. Can we import a Holy Land for the southern market, please?

• Uh, how about a friggin’ co-op. Seriously, they don’t exist here and I’d take even MN’s crappiest. But the Wedge or that shiny fancy one you worked out would do nicely.

• A REAL farmer’s market. You have no idea what you’re missing once you’re missing it. OK, I knew it was great but I actually (naively) thought it would be better here. NOT!!!

• Just one will do but I did oh so love that croquet madame at Vincent.

• 5$ Pho. The stuff exists here but it over priced and not quite as good.

• The Chef Shack should certainly do a tour of the south too. I’m just saying.

• Minnesota sweet corn. That 1$ an ear, Texas bi-color corn is nothing compared to our sweet, sweet Mn.

• Lenny Russo should so come down here and kick some sense(I was gonna say kick some teeth out but many a folk here are already without) into these peeps about local, seasonal, sustainable. Really. Are you fucking kidding me with the canned Sycso shit? OK, Brenda or Lucia would do nicely too but I always appreciate Lenny’s totally articulate bereavement.

OK, I quit now. I’m sure there is more so consider this part one of my order.